Nickers Teaser Trailer

Dial M for Movie

Detective dramas are like crack to my mother. As a result of this I must have watched a zillion episodes of Midsomer Murders, Frost, Morse, Lewis (which is apparently exactly the same series but Morse has snuffed it), Sherlock Holmes, Poirot and a dozen others. My parents' home in Leicester has witnessed more grisly crimes than Libya. My mum and I could work for Scotland Yard, such is the forensic knowledge we have accumulated.

Recently it occurred to me that the British staple of Detective Dramas was ripe for a spoofing, and so I set about writing it. And thus my sitcom Nickers was born.  Nickers is a comedy series that each week spoofs a different detective TV show whilst following our odd couple heroes DI Bobby and Detective Large as they endeavour to catch the villain, get the girl and try to not kill each other in the process. This summer I decided to film a trailer for the show to help gather interest from producers.

I'd never directed a film before and I had absolutely no spare cash to make it with- what could possibly go wrong? Well, I'll tell you......

Getting a fabulous cast on board was actually the easiest part and all our first choice actors were free at around about the same time. And the fates shone on us once more as one of the best cameramen in London was available. After bribing Dan with beer and a curry he was on board too. Easy! Actually the first awkward moment came when sourcing props with my producer and partner in crime Max Davis:

We needed a policeman's hat, uniform, handcuffs and a truncheon so obviously we headed straight to a sex shop in Soho. I went up to the counter with some furry handcuffs and enquired if they had any that weren't fluffy. His colleague then took me to see the 'rougher stuff'. What I saw in that room still gives me nightmares and I fled to Ann Summers where I felt safer.

Feeling more comfortable there Max and I went up to the counter and asked for metal handcuffs, the sales woman quickly obliged us. Carried away, Max excitedly unfurled our whole shopping list of props. "We need loads more," he said smiling. The sales woman seemed a bit shocked so Max corrected himself with the slightly misleading, "Oh, it's not for us two, we're making a movie!"



Soon enough we had arms full of pornographic material and we were only missing one prop. But that prop was a big one. A Car. We needed an estate car as it's the top choice of TV coppers and it could also carry around all the filming equipment. But having zero budget meant we got the dodgiest KIA from the dodgiest rental place. I say rental place, it was actually a caravan in a car park. 

Notice the petrol cap held on by, yes, tape....



The KIA, which we nicknamed 'The Beast' was actually held together by selotape. We couldn't flatten the back seats to get the lights in. When we tried we discovered under one of the car seats a mouldy chip and a fake passport. However, by some miracle, it managed to both get us from A to B and take a leading role in the film.

The filming process went swimmingly. Max and Vicky were on hand to assist whenever anything looked like it might go wrong. Max managed to tame The Beast and indeed Vicky had to put out a small oven fire when we were too busy getting a shot and forgot the lasagne for our lunch. 

The cast too were awesome. The filming period was short but also the only few days of 2010 where it was hot. Katherine was hilarious and gorgeous despite the room being at least 40°C. She and Jen had to play it straight whilst surrounded by sex toys. Jen even braved a fight with my neighbour by throwing 'wine' (grape juice so the cast don't get drunk by take 5) over his car and lawn mower.

Roger and Brooks missed the first half of an England World Cup game and bravely ran around in suits and ties in the baking heat leaping over cars and fences whilst dodging dog poos (or not) without a second of complaint. Nadia and Claire gave up a Sunday morning to help out, with Claire spending an hour in the baking sun covered in fake blood under a sheet of tarpaulin with a pair of garden shears stuck in her chest.

All that was left was to edit the footage. In stepped super-cameraman Dan who, it turned out, was also the editor from heaven. And not just because every time Max and I went to see the edit we'd end up drunk as his beautiful girlfriend Aneta plied us with vodka to 'aid' our creative process.

Several months and bottles of booze later....Nickers was born. Now all there is to do is try and get a production company to make it. So watch the film, give it a 'like' and help all those who gave up their time to make Nickers by showing your support.

And who knows, some day, I'll be sitting down with mum to watch my own detective show. Unless Poirot is on and she changes the channel.

See the teaser trailer here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-HxMomMufg

Want more, the full 8min thrill ride is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEW-owe0GlY

Enjoy.